Superstitions

Superstitions.I've been wanting to blog about them ever since some crazy person told me that I shouldn't get pet turtles, 'cause they'd bring bad luck to the house. Whoever thought of that must be really dumb. Or psychotic. Anyway, I thought I'd give a list of superstitions my family's told me about/follow. I personally don't believe in any of them (sorry ma =P)
1. If a cat goes past you, you're doomed- Poor cats. Especially the black ones. What can they do if their fur is that colour? STOP blaming them for the shit that you land up in!
2.Never walk underneath a ladder- This is probably one of the lamest superstitions. How a ladder would bring you bad luck beats me. Except if you're really clumsy/unlucky and the ladder falls on you of course...
3.You always have to take a bath after you go for a funeral- Apparently there are a gazillion microbes that float around at funerals. But everyone seems to forget that the body is in a freezer box for god's sake! And it's not like we aren't exposed to so many other things that could kill us, ALL the time! Maybe my disbelief in this superstition stems out of the fact that I'm just plain lazy :|
4.Cutting your nails/hair on a Friday/at night/any auspicious day is unacceptable- In the olden days this made sense, as there was no light and anything could fall anywhere, into your food too. But now with electricity it's just bloody obsolete. And it's not like God's going to strike me down with a bolt of lighting if I cut my hair on a Friday. He/She,if God exists, but let's not get into that here, has way more important things to do. Trust me on that.
5. You can't enter a temple if you have your period-Why is that? Since when did a natural process,occuring in your body, have to do with God? Why is it that women are treated as untouchables during this time, when they suffer so much anyway? Also we have to take a headbath after 4 days of agony, to cleanse ourselves. Ha. Cleanse ourselves like we're some dirty creatures? It's weird how so many superstitions connect to God.
6. If a lizard falls on you it's either good/bad luck depending on where it falls-Haha. There's actually a whole book on what it means if a lizard falls on different parts of your body. Jobless people.
7. Seeing a fully black crow indicates bad luck (Oh no! Not again!)- They're called jungle crows and they mean you no harm!
I'm not going to ramble further on the million other superstitions that people tell me about. But please, they're called superstitions for a reason! And oh, don't you dare blame my turtles for any calamities that may befall you! It's just your luck!

Let's talk about sex, baby!

That catches everyone's attention, doesn't it? From inquisitive children, to older men and women, the topic of sex never gets old! Or, the act apparently. I was reading this book, The stranger beside me by Ann Rule. It was the very chilling account of Ted Bundy's life. The notorious serial-killer, raped and murdered countless number of women in many states across America. He was a necrophile too, finding pleasure in sodomizing and bludgeoning his victims to death. All his victims were very attractive,young women falling in the age group-18-25 years. Two-three of them were even minors. The most disturbing part of all this was that he,Ted Bundy, was an extremely charismatic,young man , who studied law and psychology(!). To use the act of sex as a tool of violence scares me. The fact that men find this pleasurable even more so.How do they find excitement seeing a helpless woman/child and attacking them ferociously for sexual gratification? Do they really get pleasure from the act or the feeling of power ,terrorizing the innocent? Does varied pornography really play a role in the twisted minds of these psychopaths like how Ted Bundy stated, few hours before heading for the electric chair?

The next day, I watched Brokeback mountain. One of the most beautifully-made romantic dramas I have ever watched. I was always a little uncomfortable with homosexuality. I though it was bizzare for men to be romantically involved with other men and women with other women. But nevertheless, I never disrespected them. What they did in the privacy of their lives was their business. Who was I to judge?But after watching Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal ,their incredible on-screen chemistry, play out the roles of their lives, I was highly impressed and mildly surprised. I did not find any of the intimate scenes 'disturbing' nor 'disgusting'. In fact, I thought the bond they shared was as beautiful as the rest of the movie. That's when I realised sex isn't just sex. It's not sleazy, it's not vulgar, it's not perverse. It's an art, it's natural, a physical expression,a strong emotional interpretation. It's sad to see people look at sex as merely an animal instinct. Even some animals share life-long bonds with their mates. I wish people would see the beauty of making love( as corny as that sounds) rather than desire 'casual sex'. Sexual starvation outweighs emotional starvation in today's world! I don't know how people can 'connect' physically if not emotionally. Sex maybe overrated, I wouldn't know, but love isn't and that I would.
Lots of 'lowe'
A very sentimental Cookie Monster.

And that is me =D

The real Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster's a poet, wouldn't you know it?

We're riding his bike,
the wind in my hair,
he looks at me,
an evil grin he does wear,

I get my bottom to the front,
And face him with my chest,
He gets turned on
and we begin to undress,

He takes his hand off this baby
and we begin to f@(#
Oh no! Too late,
we get hit by a truck!

Dear you,

Dear you,

It’s been 5 months.5 months since I’ve come home and had your crazy little self growl at me as soon as I entered the house.5 months since I last saw you and your fat, round, little body running around chasing your stinky, old, monkey toy.

I miss the sound your toenails made when you walked around on the granite floor. Your fat stomach. Your floppy ears that would fly in the wind. I miss the looks that you gave with your large, chocolate brown eyes. I miss the rides that we took in the car. Your tiny head sticking out of the window, while you strained to look and bark at every passerby. I miss taking you on walks. Dragging you out of the house and making you move 5 feet on your lazy ass.

March 17th, 2010, the day you died, will always remain etched in my memory. Forever.

5 months on and the memory doesn’t fade. The longing to not forget, to always hold you in that precious spot where time can’t erase any memories, will always be there.
I hope you’re in a happy land far far away. A land where there is unlimited food and a big comfy couch you can sleep on. I hope you’ll always be your adorably rude self out there.I hope that you Blackie, my first and only dog cum sister, will also never forget us.

With lots of love and lots of nostalgia,

Your sister Anjana.

My Top Ten Adrenaline Junkie Moments:

I’m a self proclaimed adrenaline junkie. I love the feeling I get when my blood’s all pumped up and my heart’s beating faster than a hummingbird’s. Without further ado I give you Anjana’s Top Ten Adrenaline Rush moments in no particular order. Trust me, they were a hell of a lot of fun.
1) Parasailing over the Great Barrier Reef-Last year in a spurt of unexplainable madness I decided to parasail over the GBR off the coast of Eastern Australia.(Cairns to be precise).If I’d put my list in order this might make it to the top. By far one of the craziest things I’ve ever done, the sheer thrill I experienced while going up in a chute, 200 metres above the ocean, is unexplainable. I did feel like I was going to die at any moment but that’s besides the point =/
2) Diving with the Great Whites- Gaansbai is one of the coolest places on Earth! Located right at the tip of South Africa, it’s home for the world’s deadliest predators-The Great White Shark. And oh hell, I dived with THEM! Yes you heard that right! I went down into the freezing cold water, in a tiny little cage with 6 other people (who kept puking), and got within two feet of these colossal beauties. Whatte sight! Pure bliss to the power of infinite. The cage was small and annoying, and some people out on the boat thought I was stubborn and would get eaten up, but who cares! All those as mad as me out there, please do attempt this atleast once in your lifetime.
3) Handling a snake for the first time in my life-Ah this makes it to my list without any doubt. The first snake I handled was a rat snake, around 5 feet in length, around 2 years back. It was found in my backyard and we called the Forest Department, who then allowed us to handle it. She/he (not sure what) was magnificent!
4) My first swimming lesson-Ok this may sound boring compared to the other stuff on my list but it was one of my first junkie moments. The swimming instructor made us all dive off a 20 foot diving board into a REALLY deep pool when I was just 7 or 8 (technically I learnt how to swim when I was 3 or 4 but tiny tot pools don’t count). I was shit terrified but managed to jump, after watching my eternally unmoved brother dive in with such nonchalance.
5) Jumping into a pit full of crocs-Imagine 400+ muggers (fresh water crocs) in a tiny enclosure, all grappling for space and food. Now imagine jumping into that space.Yes I did that and I’m lucky to have done so. Crocodiles are another species of animal that I absolutely adore.
6) Spotting a White Rhino and her calf up close and personal in the Kruger National Park- Bush walks in the savannah! Oh what joy! At 6 in the morning my family and I faced the harsh weather of the Southern Hemisphere (South Africa again), and went out to spot some animals at the coolest National Park in the world! We managed to get within 20 feet of a female White Rhino and her small, adorable calf, without being charged at. Thank the good lord for the mommy rhino's poor eyesight.
7) Watching the World Cup with over 50,000 other people, LIVE in Johannesburg-Brazil vs. Chile round of 16 LIVE. You want me to say anymore? Crazy fans, crazy vuvuzelas, crazy fun. Period.
8) Tracking the King Cobra in a forest and getting within 10 feet of a captured one-Agumbe is one place I will always cherish. Located a few hours away from Mangalore, this King Cobra Sanctuary is a must visit for any wildlife lover. Now I sound like I’m a travel agent or something. Anyway, on a camp at Agumbe I learnt how to telemetrically track the King in the forest and was allowed to observe another one at a (safe) distance of 10 feet. You need to see them to understand why they are called so. Sigh.
9) My first Ultimate Frisbee game =) – Why is this on my list? Because I love the game, love running, love the feel of the beach sand and the Frisbee in my hand when I score a point. Love everything about ultimate including the people. My first game was an eye-opener as to how unfit I was and how awesomely fit others were. All the games thereafter would also make it to my list but unfortunately I have to shrink it all to one point.
10) And this last point is dedicated to all those unexpected, unexplainable, irrational ‘looney’ and ‘high’ moments of mine. Those who know me know what I’m talking about. Those who don’t you’ll find out eventually =P Hint-yelling at strangers and singing Beatle’s songs from the back of a bike, walking on the Marina Beach with a bunch of lunatic friends of mine.You get the drift…
Anyway here’s where I’m supposed to advise you not to repeat the above whacko/psycho/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, junkie moments. But alas! What’s not there about adrenaline to love? Go right ahead and try it out. Just don’t blame me if anything happens.

Men Vs Men

Okay, this is going to be one of my last 'Men-stink' blogs because my mum happens to be one of the few people who read my blogs and is freaking out that being in an all-girls' college has finally taken a toll on me, and the next boy I bring home might be a heavily-moustached, muscular fellow called Swathy.
Men. Let's go with the age old cliche- You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em! Let's face it, most of them smell like they're carrying a dead cat under their arms and have the common sense of a kidney-bean. They look at you once if you have a pretty face, twice if you have a big rack. Once, this really weird,fair dude came upto and asked me all sorts of questions when I was at a mall. He asked me my name. I thought I was being really smart, faking my identity. I said: neha. He said: oh, vaat ay sweet name yaar. where you is from? I say: Punjab. Of all the effing places I say punjab!! and this guy was sure as hell from punjab! He said: Oye punjabi, something something, balle balle! And i was like: Oh Shit! I don't speak Punjabi cause I've settled here!!... and ran off! A girl may say she doesn't like it when random,monkey men pass comments about her butt but what's worse is when they don't! My friend and I were just returning from the gym when two guys looked us up and down, us-wearing our loose Tees and tracks, our hair a mess , and sweat dripping from our faces and other places,and he said: Aye! not nice! not nice at all! What a bledy jerk, no?
The flipside is men like Hugh Jackman, Adam Sandler,Will Smith,Jeff Corwin, Brett Lee,Myles Kennedy etc. These men are either funny, exceptionally hot, charming, have an amazing voice or something like that. What every woman wants is a Dark Knight! Not a freaking gay vampire! A man who does not shape his eyebrows, listen to taylor swift and travel by public transportation! Where are the manly men? The ones with long facial hair, on their Harleys, who'd look like they can squeeze a man's head into pulp? Why are men becoming more concerned about pedicures and manicures than women? Why on earth are there fairness-creams for men!?!?!?! Again, I go back to the old cliche of the hottest men being 'tall,dark and handsome'.
Ok rambling aside, Men should be Men. I'm just saying that men need to be more like men and less like women, despite us women, being awesome.
Stop using gel on ur hair, trimming ur nails and shaving ur chest. In the words of the great russell peters, 'be a man!'
Cookie Monster, a true hypocrite.

My Bucket List!!

OK, so before I die, I have a very long list of desires to be fulfilled. Hopefully I shall live to be a hundred with all my vital organs functioning. Vital organs, haha. And the desires are:

20. Sky-dive in Australia or New Zealand. I'm a little afraid of heights but this is something I really HAVE to do! Fly! Fly!Fly! Scream!Yell! Puke!

19.Get a tattoo. Something small, on the back of my neck. I have skin so sensitive it's allergic to hot/cold wax. Sigh.

18. Speaking of body hair, to invent a pain-free,effective,inexpensive method of the same. Stupid, smelly armpit hair.

17.Ride a bike! From one city to the next, on a Royal Enfield. Or hit the race tracks on a Yamaha R1 or a Ducati. That's the shit.

16. Ban Bollywood movies. Forever.

15.Open a restaurant by the sea-side. Food served will include only my favourite dishes. And that would be anything and everything edible.

14. Belly dance

13. Perform the same to : Will Smith, Brett Lee, Adam Gilchrist, Robin Williams, Hugh Jackman

12. Eat chocolate chip dough ice-cream, all day long, for the rest of my life.

11.Learn Karate/ Kick-boxing and beat up bad guys or guys in general.

10.Travel the world with Jeff Corwin and marry him in the process.

9. Be trapped with Vegeta(Super saiyan-2) in the other dimension.

8.Watch Cartoons(Dexter's lab, Johnny Bravo,Spongebob,Garfield) and sing along to every theme song .

7. Play the role of a Disney princess.

6.Play the role of Phoebe Buffay. (there's not much to act really)

5.Never see the light of day, anytime before 11:30 am.

4. Stop violence against women, children and animals.

3. Get five dogs. Name them Vodka, Whiskey, Gin, Cleo and Caesar.

2. Join a metal band. Get purple hair. Play the drums or be the vocalist.

1.Be my biggest fan.

Luv,
Cookie Monster

The Assassin

A story I wrote for English class...

She crept towards the sleeping body. With bloodlust on her mind she tried not to think of anything but the mission. Get in, finish the job and get out just as fast. The rules had been clearly put down for her. If she got caught that was the end of her and all that she had been trained to do…

Arya was born a fighter. Without any parents to support her she had been raised in an orphanage in Bombay. This had toughened her more than anything else could have. She grew up surrounded by unlucky souls like her with nowhere else to go. The unhappiness at the orphanage had made her seek out friends on the streets. Her way of surviving was to fight. She got into brawls and fights because that was how it was out there on the streets.

As the years passed she learnt various martial arts. Karate, Taekwondo, Judo…nothing eluded her. She learnt fast and eagerly. Slowly but surely she emerged a master. Someone you wouldn’t want to face. A deadly foe you would rather run away from during a fight.

As Arya developed and mastered her skills and got out of the orphanage into the big bad world she was immediately offered a position with the local Bombay mafia. She took up the offer as she was offered more money than she had ever seen in her life. One thing she was not was a coward. She would prove that she could do the job of a hired assassin just as well as any man could.

And prove she did! Her boss, a faceless man with a bad reputation had given her numerous small jobs which she completed successfully. She moved on to the bigger jobs- assassinations done for the ‘greater good’. She never flinched and never looked back. T hat was how Arya worked. Get in, finish the job and get out just as fast. No one except her boss knew who she was, but nevertheless she was feared in Bombay’s underworld.

Tonight’s job was simple. She had to break into a suburban house and finish off the man inside. This man had squandered and stolen money from her boss. He had betrayed him many times too. This had angered the boss so much that death was the only option. Arya thought that it would be as easy as any other job…

She entered the house through the back. A simple flick of the lock had done the trick. She had studied the layout and knew where the man slept. She reached his room and crept soundlessly towards the sleeping body. Slowly she took out the syringe. That was the easiest way to do it. No messy stains left behind.
Arya went near the man. Suddenly she caught a glimpse of his face. And syringe fell out of her hand with a clatter…

It couldn’t be! This man was the only person who had helped her and befriended her when she was at the orphanage. Only a few years older than her he had sneaked food to her when she was hungry and taught her about the world. His lessons had proved valuable to her during the course of her career. Arya had lost contact with him when she had started work. And now here he was! And she had been ordered to kill him!

Faced with this dilemma Arya stood confused. But another glimpse of his face proved that she couldn’t do it. She suddenly felt sick at heart. What was the point of all of this? The excitement? The bloodlust? At some point in time it would all catch up with you and give you a big crushing blow. Like now.

Making up her mind Arya picked up the syringe and slowly made her way out. She couldn’t do it and never would be able to. Her friend had taught her a lesson again.

Vellore!

So we decided to go on a trip to Vellore after forcing our class to agree that a forest is way cooler than an amusement park where goodness knows what might happen; a Ferris wheel may fall on your head or you may die while attempting to look cool on those weird water rides.

Anyway we were to reach Vellore in 3 hours, roam around in the forest there for a few more hours and get back as fast as possible. Sadly that wasn’t the case!

The bus driver HAD to get lost and go around Vellore a gazillion times! And it had to be around 50 degrees outside! We couldn’t see any trees and we were supposed to be near a forest! To make matters worse I was HUNGRY!

Despite this the trip was a hell of a lot of fun! We sang. We screamed at people on the road. The most memorable of the lot was a lorry driver who screamed and sang back!

Aaaaand I danced on the bus! Yes people you read it right! I DANCED!

And not just one form but anything and everything- hip hop, dabbankuthu, weird Johnny bravo and Mr. Bean dances and pole dancing! But hey I wasn’t bad was I? =P
And when we FINALLY reached our destination we were mauled by monkeys. I tried to act cool and shoo them away but one monkey decided I wasn’t worth it and snarled and grabbed my foot. My respect for them has decreased considerably since then.

Back to the point. The forest was awesome. The trail was not. Neither was the water fall. It didn’t have water!

We were so dead at the end of the day but we managed to get on to the bus and dance all the way back! Thank you whoever brought the crazy music!

Moral of the story- Don’t go to Vellore for an excursion. Please don’t. However if you really really have to, take us Zoo people along. We promise to make it a lot of fun! =D

Boys...smell....REAL BAD!

Cookie monster don't like little people with big heads...
Ok, so I go for this "literary" competition... where we had to be funny and perverse...or so I thought! My team didn't even get thru the prelims! but since another team backed out we got to do a few Whose line is it anyway rounds... I had to be Pam Anderson...( Why do i always end up being a blonde? DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER!) and I was a having a very uh, conventional conversation with Mother Teresa... But bein the pervert that I am , I said things like "do you like my rack" and "do you think my ex-husband has genital warts?"(hey, it was quite spontaneous and this round involved asking questions and no answering!) And the judge...A MAN... said i was a disgusting pervert and I had no right to talk to Mother Teresa that way(or something like that). Like she's his Grandmum or something! And when another BOY used lines like "does vaseline make it easier?" the judge(A MAN) had nothing to say!
I(along with my perverse bunch of girlfriends) personally believe that men cannot stand women with a raunchy sense of humor. They are appalled by women who can talk about one's body parts candidly. I think men should open their minds just a wee bit and realize sometimes women can be better at them, be it in the fields of acting cocky, arrogant and narcissistic. You may think that I am being a sore loser. (Like i care what YOU think!) I'm sure you are a smelly boy! Ergo... I don't care! and no, i am NOT PMSing. That's not the only time we get crabby, you twits!
Aahhh, i feel better now... So all u sexists out there...i have two words for u...BITE ME...and to all you good-looking chaps out there... i have four... I still love you :)
Till we meet again,
Cookie monster

Turtle walks

So after much procrastination on my part I finally got down to writing a blog post!
Its 12 o’clock in the night and Neelankarai beach is eerily quiet.
The beach is so much more alive and happy at this time of the day, and its actually cold! Plastic bags flutter around in the breeze, leftover by the crowd that was probably here.
Anyway before I begin to ramble…Its turtle walking season again!
Hopefully some of you have been on a turtle walk. For those of you who haven’t, you’ve definitely missed out on something! 6 kilometres of walking on the cool wet sand and searching for turtle nests and hatchlings, a wildlife lovers paradise! I’ve always wanted to visit Gahirmatha in Orissa and watch the Arribada.
For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s when turtles mass nest on the beach! And by mass nesting I don’t mean a few, but hundreds and hundreds of turtles converging on the beach at the same time! Chennai has its own nesting sites all along its coast for the Olive Ridleys. We do get an occasional Green turtle too.
Sadly this year there have been numerous dead turtles washed up on the beaches. We even found a sperm whale last week! Trawling and gill nets drown the unsuspecting creatures and wash them onto the shore. Hatchlings die of dehydration as soon as they are born because of the lights on the beaches that distract them from their goal – the sea.
What is the cause for all of this? Who is responsible? It’s us! Every year they put up more lights on the beach for ‘safety’. More trawlers are sent out to the sea to fish, and more people come to the beaches and litter.
There is a solution to this just like most other problems : If you live near the sea switch off your lights from 12 to early morning during turtle nesting season (which is from January to April)! Clean up after you have fun at the beach! And don’t forget to use those trash cans! Only then will you be awe struck like I usually am when I go on a turtle walk or visit the hatchery.
Nothing beats watching turtle hatchlings emerge from their nests. They truly are magnificent creatures.

To love or hate?

What’s all the hype surrounding love about?
Love is so cliched. So boring. So blah!
It’s been talked about a gazillion times! Romeo and Juliet! Antony and Cleopatra! All of you get a life!
Valentine’s Day has become so fake. Materialistic in all sense of the word. I pity poor St. Valentine. Seriously.
So I’ve decided that since love has been talked about enough I’ll talk about hate instead.
Hate is so much more complex; so much more intense. In conventional terms it is not a very nice feeling but interesting all the same.
Nothing beats the feel of adrenaline running through you and making you all charged up. The raw emotion of hate is undefined and not explored enough.
But why does it have such negativity attached to it? Why can’t it be treated just like any other emotion? Personally I think it is because human nature doesn’t let us hate as much as we love. And both can’t be separated.
I have seen people blinded by their hatred towards some people. But strangely enough that has never happened to me. I would love to hate someone. Now doesn’t that sound like an oxymoron??
So finally hate people and love people. It’s your wish. But please don’t become mushy. I’d hate it and so would the people around you =P
Be unconventional like this poem we did in English class a few days back:

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy:
Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Get it? So be yourself and tell the rest of the world to bugger off!
With lots of love and hate,
Me.

V Day!

Cookie monster likes cookies. Cookie monster likes cookies with milk. Cookie monster likes Valentine’s Day but not all that much. That’s because that is the day when Shiv Sainiks, Ram Sainiks and other jobless self loathing buffoons get the chance to slap defenseless women, marry men off to donkeys, and scare away couples snogging in public places. Who in hell’s name appointed them our nation’s law makers??What a cheap tactic of publicizing their irrational ideologies!
Isn’t it unfair to live in a world (or country more like it) where one cannot express one’s love to another? And no, I’m not talking about banging my non-existent boyfriend on the beach. I’m talking about being able to hug a friend whom you haven’t seen in years without having a million questioning eyes on you!
Valentine’s Day is not all about wearing sexy lingerie to make your boyfriend drool like a rabid dog. It’s not just about THTAT kind of love. It’s about appreciating Mum for getting you that cute purple tee you’ve had your eye on for a week now or your best friend waking you up every morning because she knows you just love hitting the snooze button .Or even your dog looking at you with those irresistible ‘puppy dog eyes’.I t’s just a day to let all the special people in your life know how great they are!
So go on! Don’t get them some sappy Archies card. Instead give them a hug. They’ll love you for it and you would save 20 bucks!
Till next time. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Cookie Monster
P.S-Boys stink